The past few weeks have been a blur really--I honestly don't remember much between the time hell broke loose and today.

Anna, er Hope...Leon, and Brasco... The three individuals I trust the most...I guess, seeing that this is my first entry on a makeshift journal I should talk about them first...seems fitting. And try to put together the past few days as much as I can and continue from there.

Anna; or Project Hope as I learned somewhat recently, was the first person that I came across. She was alright, had the role of Leader for us stragglers (who'll be mentioned in a bit). She unlocked my cell door and let me out...at the time it sounded great, up until we had to go get a supply drop with Brasco and two other individuals I can't remember the names of...Len..Lenny..? And..Gabe? Anyway; we got to the supply drop ontop of the parking garage, it was a fight to get the supply crate clear of the infected. Anna was wounded in the midst of the clean up -- I had to heft her back to the Police Station; where she administered the anti-virus on herself. The others were pretty strung up, almost sure she was going to turn. Nope; she stuck it out like the trooper she is.

"Now just happened, and later isn't coming anytime soon."

There was an incident that involved Anna/Hope turning into...something...not completely gone; Brasco, Leon (more on them later) and myself chased her across the streets after she fled. After causing her to O.D. on the anti-virus (which seems to have a sedative within it, thus slowing the heart), she went into cardiac arrest, which is scary enough...Brasco disappeared during this time. With our main medic suddenly gone, I had to dive into what I knew -- I administered an Adrenaline shot straight into Anna/Hope's heart, which thankfully worked. Also showed everyone that I wasn't just a pack mule or easily expendable.

Man that day was crazy, I hope I don't have to go through that again.

Hope is alright still, atleast by my standards; she saved my life in the station when a girl turned and tried to rip out my throat -- so I owe Hope big time. Even if she works for Umbrella -- Hell she even told me not to worry, that I wasn't going to die. I trust her the most, even if she's not quite all there sometimes.

Brasco I met on my first day in hell as well; an ex-marine...deserter...and experimented on if I remember hearing him correctly. He has a strong grudge against Umbrella, the mere name itself promotes anger inside him. He's not bad with a gun, a violent fellow, with what I realized had blackouts during some of his bouts of anger. He also seems to have trouble staying asleep, easily startled awake it seems. I fear he may suffer from what's called Shell Shock by most people. He's unstable, but trust worthy...I'll gladly hold the line with him if he needs it. He's a medic too, so I hope we don't lose him -- need all the medical experience we can get; he's not a bad shot either. But his Temper...is something to not be on the wrong side of -- Leon and him always seem to butt-heads for dominance. I always their squabbles "Battle of the 'Bulge'" 'cause it seems like they're trying to show who's got the biggest...

Leon...the guy's got a superiority complex it seems. Always so nonchalant and shows the typical 'I'm so badass I yawn at everything' syndrome. He's got the brawn, don't get me wrong--but it seems like he lets it go WAY too much to his head. As mentioned earlier he and Brasco get into quarrels...which...is a pure waste of energy and time...but they're so thick headed it's like talking to two Donkeys. I trust Leon, I really do, but his attitude just makes my skin crawl...I bite my lip and ignore it for the most part..cause I'd rather not die at the hands of someone who's been experimented on by Umbrella...but it's not like pissing him off is a hard thing to do either -- I think if I looked at him funny for a split moment he'd try ripping a new breathing hole in my chest for me...or maybe that's just how he seems to act...I don't know; he sometimes shows a bit of a emotional side. Turns out that he had a thing...or still has a thing for Anna...er Hope. I don't know if that still stands true...

That's all the start of my new life in Raccoon... onto what just recently happened and up to this point I write in the journal.

First the people I met, and what I can remember about them.

Sandy, she's...definitely unique, got a strong head on her shoulders -- no doubt from her training with Umbrella. I swear, almost everyone I've met so far either Work for Umbrella, have been experimented on by Umbrella, or are affiliated with some sort of Military. Sandy's expertise with bombs saved myself and Hope's ass one day on a retrieval of a supply crate -- like I said, she's got a good head on her shoulders. And she seems awfully sweet, which is refreshing -- a lot of people 'round here seem way too hard ass to smile. She's definitely earned my trust, regardless of how much I may not know about her.

Kris, another...unique...individual--also works for Umbrella...a Scout if I remember correctly when over listening the conversation. Seems like she's here to gather data on the situation and report back to her superiors. Don't know much else about her. Kinda hope if shit hits the fan she'll back us up.

Lenny, I've only ever seen him twice in my time at the Station...I hope he's still breathing -- he was a great help on the retrieval of the Supply Crate. I trust him, and trust that he's held up somewhere safe.

Gabe, guy packs major handcannons on his thighs, things look like they could punch a hole in a steel plate. Helped with a Supply Crate drop -- he too has gone missing...maybe he and Lenny are hiding out somewhere.

There's a nameless girl, she came bursting into the station one day...she's highly emotional...like everything to the extreme. She seems to hang around Brasco the most, which is a smart move; he's one of the more experienced individuals. The girl seems to have a tooth for anything chocolate, nearly broke my heart to see her sad, and chocolate always brightens my day so I gave her some and she perked right up! Inexperienced, but she'll learn the ins and outs of surviving and gun handling.

Well so I really didn't talk about what happened during the past week specifically -- but the people I met, which the events inside -- which is probably the best way...this is already starting to become a huge entry...my hand is starting to hurt.

I've done just about everything the first journal entry should be about...except, I never quite introduced myself...

I think I'll save that entry for the day I know I'm going to die...

-T.D.B.

Major score! I was lucky to have stumbled across the mass of police cars on the far side of the parking garages.

My USP, the pistol Brasco spared from his own person when I first met him was starting to...fail me. The gun was starting to jam frequently -- and it seems like we have EVERYTHING except weapon maintenance kits, so...my biggest fear is all of our guns eventually failing us...leaving everyone unarmed. I hope we get out of here long before that ever happens...

Back to the squad car -- I scored a MP5 out of the wreck, it was wedged between the front seats...and was I ever thankful that the zombies were no where in sight...it took me a good hour and a half to get that MP5 free. But definitely worth it! There were a couple of full stocked mags sitting on the back seat too! And was already preloaded with one! There's nothing overly special about the MP5 itself, solid stock, tactical flashlight. I may be able to find some modifications for it if I go back there later...but I couldn't risk sitting out in the open during the night. But the flashlight works wonders! I was afraid the bulb was dead, but nope...almost blinded myself when the glare reflected off the rear view mirror. It seems easy enough to handle -- I haven't shot it yet...

As for the USP...I still carry it, in hopes of finding a kit to repair it...not that I know how to maintain guns...maybe Hope or Brasco can show me...I'd really hate to ditch it and find out that there's a kit for it somewhere. I have a clip of .45 acp for it --the rest are empty...should place them in the station when I get back there.

I'm currently sitting on the overpass, on an outside ledge, looking down upon the streets...not so much as scouting really...I'm just out here to clear my mind. The Station seems to harbor a lot of stress -- but I ran into that girl again...I don't know her name still...because I'm not sure if she remembers it...but she did tell me that she remembered how she got here. Wasn't pretty, but we all have bad stories of how we started off here.

The cool air feels nice...it's eerily quiet out here tonight too...I can't even hear the distant groan of a zombie...no gunfire...no screams...just the occasional whistle of the wind.

I wonder...What do zombies do when no one's around?

-T.D.B.

So...I recently changed my clothing...cause the grease, blood, and dirt were just not cute on me...not that I'm being vain about appearance...but seriously. Clean clothing is a NICE change...didn't have much to choose from though...faded beige jeans...and black tanktop. And a scarf...of sorts...it was in the back room of a surplus store; makes a nice face cover when there's all sorts of unwanted debris flying around in the air.

The MP5 is a beast, got to test it out earlier on my 'daily walk'...I'm not particularly fond of the full auto -- the burst is great for when they're grouped up...and of course the semi-auto is just a must for picking out stragglers standing between you and your destination...

Yeah not very thrilling...I don't know...there just hasn't been much going on here...I can't remember the last time a supply drop happened...they've probably stopped sending them.


Tension in the police station is growing...rapidly -- it's fine if there's two to four people...the larger the group gets, the more we butt heads. I stay out of the arguing...no one listens anyway. Apparently Yoki is in charged...not that I'm complaining...I'm just wondering how that's effecting some select few muscle headed individual's egos.

More new faces, don't know their names, don't really much care at the moment...little wired.

What is bugging me is that more and more familiar faces are disappearing... I haven't seen Leon, Hope, or Brasco in quite some time.

Really the only two I see just about everytime I'm at the station is Yoki and Sandy -- which I should be thankful for...I'd much prefer their company to fresh faces. I guess this is what it's like to be in a warzone, friends come and go...replaced by young fresh faces to be tossed into hell. I'd say I feel like a veteran of war...but I don't have a rough beard, or scarred for that matter. But I'm feeling the emotional drain this situation is bringing...I saw someone torn from limb to limb...I didn't even bat an eye at the spectacle.

I'm sure it's just the shock still running through me...

-T.D.B.

"It may be he shall take my hand
And lead me into his dark land
And close my eyes and quench my breath . . .

I have a rendezvous with death . . ."
- Alan Seeger, "Rendezvous"

I sit here in the darkness of this building, in a room soaked with blood... with the dim moonlight pouring in through the broken windows -- the distant sound of screams and gunshots echoing from the heart of the city. Before...the sounds used to make my skin crawl and break out into goosebumps. Now they're just a reminder that the war in this city still wages on...

Leon was searching for me...I was quite surprised that was his real intention; I was under a ramp in the parking garage, hiding out while I gathered myself to make a break for the station. If not for Leon...I'd probably still be in the parking garage... I keep finding it harder and harder to go back to the station. And I can't figure out why...I'm starting to think I'm losing bits of myself day by day. I wonder if this is how 'Hope' feels? The numbness...I'm hoping it'll pass with time. I can't imagine going on the rest of my life feeling so... cold.

I keep a smile on my face and cheery disposition to avoid having to hold any lengthy conversation with anyone...

Leon's got a nice place set up for a second base camp...drafty...but protected and ample room to give people breathing space. I went out again -- as Leon needed some metal to configure a way to allow myself and him only into the new base of operations. I left the chunks of metal in the sink in the bathrooms...the small room is great for storage...so hopefully he'll see it when he gets back there.

And then I went out again...which brings us back to the start of my entry...

I've lived a wonderful life...even if it was criminal for the most part...stealing cars, doing drugs, running from the law. That was before I nearly died in that car crash all those years ago...well actually...I did die that day...the Spit fire attitude, and warring disposition. I woke up in the hospital as a different person...I was me...but not quite the me before. Not that I'm complaining...the change was needed...I needed to settle down, needed to grow up. And I did...but I feel as if I was a little late on doing that. I never really appreciated what I was given in life -- and it seems only appropriate that in the face of death that...that is when it hits you like a wall of bricks...all the things that could of been... Oh well, I can't dwell on that now can I? I must say that I miss my parents and my friends outside this god forsaken city. I can only hope that they are in good health and safe. I just wish I could tell them that I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused them... and Rachell, I'm sorry that our trip didn't go as planned...

I can hear them...banging on the door now...that and the desk won't hold them back much longer...the door itself is barely hanging on as it is. I can hear their groaning...there must be quite a lot out in the hallway trying to get through. And I only have one full magazine left for the mp5...

My name is Troy 'Doc' Ballard, and I'm afraid this is my last entry...